A new begining...

I wrote this blog post a long time ago.  A time when I was coming out of a season of a lot of hurt and pain.  As I re read it again at another place of hurt and pain.  Feeling like I have been fighting in a battle. feeling completely exhausted. feeling bloody and messy.  Ready to just give up.  Can I go on anymore?  I realize yes, yes I can.  and this is why..... we will find ourselves in times of battle time and time again.  I will continue to choose to raise my sword for the greater good.  For those I love. Maybe most will see my fighting as bad.  And maybe I will have just one person to see it for what it is.. To save their life.  To bring forth change.  To show them the light.  The devil is good at what he does.  The devil is strong.  He will work hard to steal us of our loved ones.  Our joy.  Our future.  But yes the devil comes with great strength but for the one I follow.  The one I trust in.  He trained me to be stronger......

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I really feel lately like I have been given a new life.. what  a great time of year to be happening but at Easter.  I am so thankful for the past couple of weeks even through all the pain.  I read a chapter in my book "You're already Amazing" and this really spoke to me and I thought I would share.  If you are looking for a good book, I highly recommend this book!

This brought tears to my eyes as if it was written from my own pen.....

Hot tears slam my cheeks, slide down rivers of unbidden emotion

I'm shocked at their appearance- hot lava exploding from a mountain that had just been covered in daisies.  

I slip into a bathroom stall, I place my head in my hands, sniffle into a square of paper.  That year.. so good. so hard

I felt more like a warrior than a writer.  

My heart has the scars to prove it.  

But then, softly, a whisper comes, "put down your sword"

and I notice, for the first time, how my heart has stood in ready-to-fight position for so long, stiff, waiting to dodge the next blow

I relent. and something inside clatters to the ground.  I see the wounds, still fresh, not noticed in the heat of the battle.  I touch them tentatively.  Cover protectively. 

Than again, softly within...

If I will wash your feet, will I not wash your wounds?

I have a choice.  Drop my guard or guard my hurts.  

I choose the first

and his hand touches all the aches, his voice whispers truth, his love wipes around, over, down.  It stings a little.  I flinch with old fear.  But slowly I relax, lean into him, remember the time before the war, and I know it is finished.  

No longer a warrior.

I'm a child, small, safe, with daddy's hands making it all better

Victory

Surrender

I leave the bathroom stall, finally, look into clear eyes in the mirror.  

And I am never the same again....

~holly Gerth~

I look around and see the things that I would have normally not have seen before.  I feel God speaking to me.. Just like the baby bunnies that have been growing in my back yard, each day their mother coming to feed and protect them, us keeping the dogs out of the yard to not eat them.  We would check each day and make sure they were ok and watch them grow.  As I am in a place of feeling like the waiting and growing in this season has arrived God is asking me to go.. move in faith and be bold in my faith while taking the journey with him.  I feel ready... I go out this morning to check on the baby bunnies to see that they are gone.  At first I was sad but then I had such a wonderful feeling come over me..  they are free and so am I to go and be just that.. FREE!!  So just like those baby bunnies I go today and embrace my new life.. my new beginning and set out for that something WONDERFUL waiting for me!!